She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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