CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
