Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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