North Korea, Best Korea!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
