How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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