he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
