Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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