Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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