i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you win again, gameday.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
