I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
