R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
