meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
