Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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