dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
