Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize