I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
