Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
