a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
