I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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