that's an acceptable place to lick
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
