I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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