It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
