i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
