she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
