when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
