This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
