Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
