Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You ate ashes out of my bong
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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