I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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