I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
