once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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