i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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