i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
