insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
