She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
