Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
