The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
