There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
