Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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