please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
