You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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