chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
this is an emotional support booty call
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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