Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
