Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
