If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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