i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
