I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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