Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
