she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
