well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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