haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
