i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Randomize
