I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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