woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
