forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
