He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
