I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
