is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
