i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I will pee on everything he values.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
false alarm, still single
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
