If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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