did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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