guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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