The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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