you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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