Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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