That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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