i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
