If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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